Monthly Archives: March 2015

Lentn Writings: ┬áLove and help

i saw a woman, twisted with rheumatoid.

Her hands like flippers, she turned the pages of the newspaper laboriously.

Creasing each one slowly with her palm, Painful to watch.

Her serenity was palpable.

Hannah saw her too, as we waited for her bagel.  

“Mama, do you see that lady?”

“Yes Hannah.  She has rheumatoid like me.”  Hannah was quiet. 

“Yes, but she doesnt have as much love and help around her as you do.”

Love and help.  

Love around, encircling.

Swirling like a fog, permeating the very air.

That is healing.

Rheumatoid marches on,  relentlessly taking ground.

Twisting joints as easily as pipe cleaners.

Fatigue blankets, like swimming through mud.

Pain flares with red light, cutting through everything.

And then comes the love, all around.

It shatters the lie “you are alone.”

Courage returns, indomitable, Just enough for today.

Perhaps that is Easter.  When all seems dark, love wins.


Courage, again

got meds today, after an eleven week journey of navigating reauthorization process.  

I dont like it, the broken system, the hoops to jump through.

It is not life giving, it depletes life, which blocks the healing energy which needs to flow. 

Most of all I don’t like rheumatoid.  It has been part of my journey since 20 months of age.

I do all the other:  naturopathy,supplements, homeopathy, acupuncture, eat pristinely clean food.

And I still need biologics, and I still need to get them paid for…$34,000 a year.  

Today it came.

I feel relief, and sadness, and fear, and anger….all the emotions swirling together.

My body tries to find its balance, teetering toward flaring like a too heavy falling box.

And my spirit tries to find its balance too, the “breathing space for my soul” that the Psalmist cries out for…

I need journey mates on this road, the long road.

People to help me find courage, to reflect the Father’s face, to show me mine.

So for tonight, I choose gratitude.

I got to welcome two babies this week.  

As I stood on that sacred ground, where the line between what is seen and unseen is thin, I remembered.

This is what is important, this is my passion.

This is where I find courage, one of the holy places.